September 17th, 2011



I know that unlike most of my friends, I have a nice calm life with nothing major to complain about. Bu I'm feeling dissatisfied.
I have a wonderful and loving boyfriend whom I have been dating for almost a year. We've been living together since April. And yet for at least 3 nights this past week and a half, I've had lustful dreams about other guys. 1) Yipes and I were talking in one. He laid his head on my shoulder and mumbled something, when I bent my head down he kissed me. Long and soulful, then apologized. 2) I was running around rambunctious with a younger crowd and ended up making out with a tall lanky 18 year old. 3) I was volunteering at a festival and started flirting with the paraplegic that I was working with. When he asked if I was single, I answered "kind of."

I have a steady job that currently is giving me full time. And yet I was only working 3/4 time this summer and using PTO to pad my paycheck enough to cover bills. For the last year I've been working Tues thru Sat, and I'm getting sick of not being able to do some cool things with my friends because I'm stuck working Saturday.

I am registered to the San Jose Rock and Roll Half marathon. And yet I've sabatoged myself by slacking off during August, and stressing about it this month.

I was thinking about going back to school to get either a PhD in Physical Therapy or a Masters in Occupational Therapy. But I got scared by the cost and the time needed, so I'm not doing anything.

So I mope, needing either a cuddle, or a slap upside the back of my head to tell me to get over myself.