I know that unlike most of my friends, I have a nice calm life with nothing major to complain about. Bu I'm feeling dissatisfied.
I have a wonderful and loving boyfriend whom I have been dating for almost a year. We've been living together since April. And yet for at least 3 nights this past week and a half, I've had lustful dreams about other guys. 1) Yipes and I were talking in one. He laid his head on my shoulder and mumbled something, when I bent my head down he kissed me. Long and soulful, then apologized. 2) I was running around rambunctious with a younger crowd and ended up making out with a tall lanky 18 year old. 3) I was volunteering at a festival and started flirting with the paraplegic that I was working with. When he asked if I was single, I answered "kind of."
I have a steady job that currently is giving me full time. And yet I was only working 3/4 time this summer and using PTO to pad my paycheck enough to cover bills. For the last year I've been working Tues thru Sat, and I'm getting sick of not being able to do some cool things with my friends because I'm stuck working Saturday.
I am registered to the San Jose Rock and Roll Half marathon. And yet I've sabatoged myself by slacking off during August, and stressing about it this month.
I was thinking about going back to school to get either a PhD in Physical Therapy or a Masters in Occupational Therapy. But I got scared by the cost and the time needed, so I'm not doing anything.
So I mope, needing either a cuddle, or a slap upside the back of my head to tell me to get over myself.
I had a running joke during race weekend: "Do you have your key?" The initial key I got didn't work. I got a replacement key on the way to the expo, but lost it while I was out and about with Darrel. So I got a third key which I left in the room during the Inspiration dinner. Luckily I was able to walk back to the room with my roomie and get back in.
Alarm goes off at 0330 and I peel my eyes open to see Barb up and about already. I totally didn't hear her get up or even hear her in the shower. I get dressed and we head down to the lobby for our team meeting. I drop my camera and very nearly break it. The view screen stays white and blank for a few days. We go downstairs to wait a LONG ASS TIME for the shuttle to take up to the start line.
We arrive at the start line and I shepherd Martin and Tammie through the porta-potty lines and up to the UPS gear check. I do better when I'm taking care of others.
The official race starts at 0615, but I don't cross the start line until almost an hour later because of the mass of humanity in front of me.
I start with a fast pace. The first four miles were at an 18ish minute mile. I had Tammie with me until shortly after we crossed the start line, then she picked up her pace. I caught up with Barbara around mile 1.5, then set my goal to catch up with the next set of teammates. My first pit stop was behind the second band, a bunch of brass playing sailors.
Then we looped into Balboa Park, and I caught up with a pair of girls from the Minnesota chapter of TNT. I walked with them for about a mile. We had a mental prank pulled on us shortly after mile 3 when we ran into another marker that said 5...km. Initially all we saw was the 5 and went . . ."but we just passed 3m not that long ago." I must say that the museum complex in Balboa Park has gorgeous architecture.
I get to say HI to Coach Colleen and Rachel around mile 4 right before we get on the 163 freeway,
Second pit stop was at mile 5. I waited in line with the 5 hour pace group for the full marathon. Sean texted me between miles 5 and 6. Then GP texted between miles 7 and 8. I did not like the miles that we were on the 163 freeway. It was hot, and sunny and there was no wind.
Teresa, the honoree who trained with us, was at an off ramp to cheer us on. I had to refill my camelback at the Rainbow music/ water stop. I met a lady from Monterrey area who was in a car accident 8 months ago. I had my third pit stop by the Taiko drum demonstration.
The breeze picked up the minute we got on surface streets and, boy did it raise my spirits. I'm pretty sure my pace picked up again once we had a breeze. I know I was throwing positive energy behind me to the Monterrey lady. I met Nikki around mile 9 and worried about her because it was obvious that she was hurting. I thought she would pull over and get medical attention for her left ankle, but the girl ended up beating me across the finish line.
I caught up with Carol and Luis around mile 10. Shortly afterward, my dad called and I talked to him until I passed mile 11. Pit stop just before mile 12 and reapplication of sunscreen. Nikki caught up with me and we walked up the hill together. I left her behind again because Teresa caught up to us and I was feeling powerful. But I slipped again and was feeling the pain once I saw the finish line in the distance. I was too hot, my feet were yelling at me and, well, I just hurt all over.
I had a mantra for every time I said "Ow." MY POWER IS GREATER THAN THE PAIN!! I was making it. Okay, I wasn't graceful, but I was doing it on my own. Then Coach Colleen shows up and my throat closes down. I was wheezing. Her showing up reminded me of when the coaches walked me in the last half mile of our first 10 mile walk when I had blisters on both of my feet. I felt humiliated. I did NOT need a coach to babysit me in. I gave her my camera to snap pics as I crossed the finish line, and then I was done.
Except that I wasn't. I had to get through the photo line, and I had to get through the food line, and then I had to walk all the way to the end where the TNT tent was so I could check out. I swear I walked another mile before I could properly collapse. Luckily they had food at the TNT area and I did collapse there for about an hour. the wind picked up again and I got cold. Finally I got on the shuttle bus for the hotel. Barb was there and she had saved me a seat, so I collapsed next to her.
A shower, and a nap worked magic. I read some before it was time to get ready for the Victory party. We had a drink at the bar with Jill before heading in to the party. The food was okay, and the drinks weren't bad. I had the Painkiller: ginger infused vodka, Midori, green apple syrup, and sour mix as a martini. I got and performed "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC as karaoke. So now I am the rock star of the team.
When I stepped out to use the restroom and saw that TJ had called so I escaped to the balcony so I could call him back. I disappeared for longer than just a bathroom break, so the Jill and Barb got worried. They caught up with me after the phone call. We adjourned back to the hotel bar and sat by the window watching the fire pit until Barb kept fading. I took her upstairs and tucked her into bed, then stayed up reading until midnight, when I forced myself to go to sleep.
Up and starving at 0730. I nosh on the leftovers from the race. 0830 head downstairs to Starbucks to meet up with Jill. We wanders over to the Gaslamp District and through the Chuck Jones Gallery before breakfast at Mary Jane's. Back to the hotel to pack, check my bags while my teammates get on the shuttle to head home. I wander the Gaslamp District again until Darrel can pick me up after work.
6/4: I drop by mom's round 10pm and head straight up to bed. I tell TJ and Sean good night, then proceed to toss and turn because it's warm in Kelly's room. I just manage to fall asleep when Sean booty-texts me. I snap at him.
6/5 0400: Nothing jerks you from sleep faster than your phone dying. I had my phone playing mp3s to help me sleep because music is my version of a nitelite. I heard the beeps then silence. I had NO IDEA where the outlets are in Kelly's room to charge my phone, so I creep downstairs and spend the last 1.5 hours sleeping on the couch in the front room so my phone could charge.
0530:My first alarm goes off, and I hit snooze. "Here we go" by Ozomatli comes on. When my alaram goes off the second time, I'm ready to be awake. I get up and try to be a little noisy getting ready. Mom's still slow getting up, so I scratch on her door. We are in the car when my second alarm goes off.
0615: I'm wending my way through the Southwest line when I hear "Chippers!" It's Kendall, one of the boys from karaoke. He has an early flight but he's heading home to Missouri. Then Crystal, one of the TNT mentors, shows up just after I finish checking in. I wait for her, so we can go through the security line together.
07ish: Teammates slowly begin filtering to the boarding area. I read a little but mainly chat with teammates: Carol, Luis, Debbie, Crystal, Jill and one of the East Bay mentors (I think)
0830: Our flight boards. I get a window seat with Beckie and Jill, sitting middle and aisle seats. Beckie pulls out the seat back magazine, but mainly we just chatter back and forth during the 1.5 hour flight. I like Jill, she's kinda rowdy. She reminds me of my PT out in CO, Adrienne.
1030: We shuttle to the hotel and check in. Barbara is my roomie, she is a nice mellow lady.
11ish: Go to the race expo, get all sorts of swag. I buy socks and a shotglass for my new race oriented collection.
1200: Darrel Exline comes to pick me up. We pick up lunch from MXN, a Baja Mexican fast food joint. It's not bad. We drive to Dog Beach, but we spend more time looking for parking thsn we do at our aimed for destination. We swing by Darrel's house in Lemon Grove because I have to vacuum the sand out of my race shoes.
1530: back to the hotel for a quick shower before the Inspiration Dinner.
1630: The food at the Inspiration Dinner was ok, but not impressive. I got to say hi to a couple of teammates from the Rocky Mountain chapter that I remembered from 2008.
1900: To Odysea, the hotel bar, for a glass of wine at Jill's insistence "Nothing new before race day!" I took some silly pictures with my little monkey.
2000: Barbara and I are in bed at an oddly early hour, because we have to get up at an OMG ungodly early hour.
To GP: "I want to come first. I know that's selfish, and maybe unattainable, and maybe shallow. But I just want to come first with someone. If that's wrong of me, so be it. I'll be wrong. But that's the way I feel."
To Dane: "What's wrong? You confuse me! I sincerely expressed interest and you rebuffed me in a way that made me question my judgement. As if I haven't had enough relationship mistakes. I got jealous because He did what I want to do, but haven't. I have too much respect for your feelings, though they make things awkward."
Two weeks til my half marathon, plus I get a week long vacation afterward. I am going to triumph over that, with no injuries and in the allotted time. (4 hours to walk 13.1 miles) I plan on spending a couple of days down in San Diego, then heading to see GingerBeard for a long weekend. Once I get back from the race my work schedule will probably shift to Tues thru Sat.
I'm done with GP as my primary. I've stopped believing him about my shinyness rating. He has Twinkerbell (newer, shinier model). She has more in common with him than I do. I will still spend what little weekend I have with him because it is a comfortable habit. But since he never seems to make the effort during the week to contact me anymore, I've decided to make my own plans and let him be the fallback.
Not since SugarBear have I had to do so much prodding for feedback. I feel like I have to rush home to catch him online before he he leaves work. And he's been leaving earlier the last few months. Now I am aware that my schedule has been busy the last 6 months because of my training.
I am a little over $500 away from my fund-raising goal! I am now asking all of my friends to give me 5! $5 donated to help me towards my goal (although more is always appreciated). 5 minutes to pass this on to 5 of your friends, asking them to donate $5 to help support finding a cure for blood cancers and providing patient support for those going through treatment and those who have survived into remission.
Want to enjoy a night in pure comfort? We all want to at some point in
time and get away with it. Well here is your chance. Club Nostalgia is throwing a Goths In Pajamas party on April 20th.
So come on out
in your sleep cloths of your choice (please keep bits covered) and bring your teddy bears, pillows and blankies.
With Resident DJs:
Neshamah and Bruce
$8 Street Cloths
$5 Goth Attire or
Pajamas, Robes, or Lingerie
Tuesday, April 20, 2010 at
Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 2:00am
893 Leong Dr. Mountain View, CA